Parenting after separation

Decision making

The law does not tell you how to care for your child after separation. You and your ex-partner are both responsible for deciding the parenting arrangements for your child, including:

• where your child lives
• where your child goes to school
• what medical treatment your child receives.

You both have the responsibility to make decisions about any major issues or events regarding your child, unless a court has ordered otherwise. This is known as parental responsibility. You share this responsibility regardless of what type of relationship you were in, if at all. You can exercise this responsibility jointly or separately.

If it is safe, you should consult with each other about these issues and make decisions that are in the best interests of your child. If you reach an agreement, you should put your agreement into writing.

For more information, see Parenting agreements.

Parental responsibility does not cover the day-to-day decisions about the care of your child, such as what your child wears and eats. The parent who is caring your child has the responsibility for making these decisions. You don’t have to consult with each other about these issues, however, you can if it will help you to carry out your parenting arrangements.

Sharing parental responsibility doesn’t necessarily mean you will spend equal time with your child, unless you agree to this or a court orders it.

Birth certificates

Parents must register their baby within 60 days of their birth. The hospital does not do this for you.

You can do this:

• online, or
• in writing, by completing a Birth Registration Statement.

You will need to provide a copy of a notification provided by the hospital, a doctor or registered Midwife or by independent witnesses who saw the birth occur.

You can’t register your baby’s birth online if you gave birth at home without a doctor or midwife present, and you didn’t go to the hospital or seek medical attention within 24 hours after the birth.

You can lodge your completed form:

• via a drop box at your nearest NSW Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages
• in person at your nearest Service NSW service centre
• by post.

To lodge your form by post, it should be addressed to:

Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages
GPO Box 30
SYDNEY NSW 2001

Counter services at NSW Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages are no longer available.

You don’t need to pay a fee to register your baby’s birth. However, if you want a birth certificate, you may have to pay a fee unless you are granted a fee wavier.

For more information, see Register a birth on the Service NSW website.

Father refusing to sign birth registration statement

If your child's father won’t sign the birth registration statement to register the birth you should still lodge your application within 60 days.

If he is not listed as the father, this may affect your ability to claim child support.

If he is disputing that he is the father of your child, you can ask him to agree to parentage testing. Parentage testing is also known as DNA testing. If he agrees to parentage testing, you will need to use one of the laboratories accredited by the National Association of Testing Authorities Australia (NATA). You will have to reach a private agreement about the cost of testing.

He doesn’t have to agree to parentage testing unless there is a court order requiring him to submit to testing.

If he refuses, and you want to have him added to the birth certificate, you should get legal advice about applying for court orders for parentage testing to be carried out. The court will only make an order for parentage testing if they are considering another issue, for example, an application for parenting orders or a child support declaration.

For more information, see Child support.

Removing the other parent

A birth certificate is a factual record of your child's birth. You can't remove your ex-partners name because they don’t spend time with the child or pay child support. The only time a parent’s name may be removed from a birth certificate is when:

• the child is adopted
• there is a Court order to remove their name, or
• there is evidence, such as a parentage test, proving that your ex-partner is not the father of your child and was incorrectly registered as a parent.     

Changing your child’s name

By agreement

You and your ex-partner can change your child’s name if you both agree.

You can do this:

• online, or
• in writing.

To apply in writing, you need to complete an Application to register a change of name for a child (under 18).

To lodge your form by post, it should be addressed to:

Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages
GPO Box 30
SYDNEY NSW 2001

You need to return all of the original birth and change of name certificates for your child issued by the NSW Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages with your application.

You need to pay a fee to when you lodge your completed form.

For more information, see Register a change of name (child) on the Service NSW website.

Without an agreement

You can change your child’s name without the agreement of your ex-partner if:

• you are the only parent listed on your child’s birth certificate
• you have an order for sole parental responsibility or sole decision making responsibility
• you have a court order specifically approving your child’s change of name
• your ex-partner has died.

If you need your ex-partner’s agreement to change your child’s name, which they are refusing to provide, you must follow the usual process for resolving parenting disputes by following with the pre-action procedures. In limited circumstances, you may be exempt from following the pre-action procedures.

For more information, see Family law mediation.

If you have followed the pre-action procedures and are still unable to reach an agreement, you can apply for parenting orders, including change of name orders.

For more information, see Changing your child’s name by court order.

Who will look after my child if I die?

In your will, you can name the person who you want your child to live with after you die. This is called appointing a testamentary guardian. This is usually done if the other parent has already died.

Before you appoint a guardian in your will, it is important that you discuss your wishes with the person you wish to appoint and your family. It is important that your nominated guardian knows of your wishes and agrees to act as guardian for your child because the appointment is not legally binding, and they can refuse to act as guardian if they don’t want to take on that responsibility. This may also help to avoid disagreements between your family members over who will care for your child if you are no longer able to.

A testamentary guardianship will end when your child turns 18 or the guardian is removed by a court.

Appointing a testamentary guardian does not give them parental responsibility for your child. Only parents have parental responsibility for the care, welfare and development of their child, as well as anyone who has parental responsibility under a court order. This responsibility can only be given or removed by a court order. If the other parent is still alive, they will continue to have parental responsibility for your child after you die, unless this is removed by a court.

After you die, if there is a dispute about who will have responsibility for your child, the surviving parent, testamentary guardian, or another person interested in the care, welfare and development of your child may apply to the court for parenting orders. The court may take into account your wishes when deciding what orders to make. However, the court can appoint someone else to be your child’s guardian if it is in your child’s best interests.  

The court can also remove a guardian for the welfare of your child and appoint a new guardian in their place.

If you are concerned about who will care for your child after you die, you should get legal advice.​